Redefining Poor Performance: Breaking Free from Labels

A spoken word poem by Antoinette R.

They said i was hired to create magic--

A Character Host,

Guardian of giggles,

Line leader of dreams,

The girl behind the lens--

Making memories that sparkle on strangers'

phone forever.

I was trained to sparkle.

To pose. To help. To smile.

Even when I was melting behind the mask.

Of my own nervous system on overload.

You saw me in the uniform

Not in the freeze--

When the crowd pressed in,

When the noise cracked like glass against my brain,

And my executive clocked out for the day.

You called it poor performance.

I call it survival in real-time.

Because while I was directing a line full of restless tourists,

My brain was juggling:

• Did I say that too bluntly?

• Did I forget the rules?

• Was that child's cry too loud or just loud to me?

• And why does time slip through my hands like glitter

  every time I try to "stay on task"?

I was helping families make memories

While mine was unraveling inside.

You never saw me in the break room,

Breathing through the after school of masking for

hours.

You just clocked the missed detail,

The forgotten instruction,

The moment I couldn't keep up

With the neurotypical rhythm of the job.

I gave joy.

While grieving my own mind's betrayal.

I redirected lines

While being lost in my own mental maze.

It wasn't poor performance.

It was performance without accommodation.

It was burnout in a costume.

It was overstimuation disguised as "team spirit"

You wanted me to stay smiling ----

Even when I was silently screaming,

Even when I was faking clarity

Just to avoid looking "difficult"

So no. I won't wear that label anymore.

I was not a bad employee.

I was a brilliant neurodivergent.

Trying to pass in a place that didn't see me.

I didn't fail the magic.

The magic failed me.

Because it asked me to be invisible to belong.

And I was made for so much more than invisiblie.